We moved two weeks ago. We are still unpacking boxes and I am still on a journey to become a minimalist. My sister asked me if I have less than 100 things. I laughed. I probably have more than 100 things in the kitchen alone. But I still like exploring this idea of having less around, less to clean, less to take care of, less to listen to, less to watch. That way maybe I can have more time to read, create and play. But even as I write this that feels like a lie. Just like there is the lie that more is better, I think it’s probably true that less isn’t everything.
There is one thing I am convinced of in this life: there will always be unrest. No matter how skinny, healthy, rich, patient, intentional, or minimal you are about this life your plans will fail you. No matter how strict you are your diet will not cure the deep underlying discontent you have. Your yoga, meditation, church activities, feeding the poor or good intentions will always leave you with bad days, hard moments and finding yourself out of control.
Sometimes when I feel angry I try to take a moment to analyze why. And when I stop to think I can’t actually come up with anything. I just have this unrest. It makes me question my faith and what on earth is the point of all of this.
So many people I love don’t share my faith, so I speak with an authentic and gentle voice when I say that it is the only thing that gives me peace. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m over the top zenned out on Jesus, because as any of my close friends and children will tell you I lose my cool and I struggle to believe. But my faith in a Creator who has unconditional love for me changes my heart. There is nothing I can do to earn, or deserve the rest I have been given. So no matter how ugly I am, I am still loved and accepted because of what the Prince of Peace has done for me.
All my trying, and fighting against bad moods, all my failed attempts to keep my patience with my kids and all the time I spend trying to hide the ugliness in my heart can be exposed, because I know I am loved. I don’t have to pretend to have it together. I can openly apologize to my kids for not being the mother they need, and I can expose the lie that minimalism will not bring this epic peace that I want it to. Because peace, though not perfect yet, has come through Emmanuel. God with us.
This brings me hope that my pain, frustration and heartache will be redeemed and remade into something beautiful.
Whoa that got heavy. Thanks for listening and being a part of my community.
What do you think will bring you peace? We all believe different things at certain points. For a long time I thought having a vitamix blender would or that having time away from my kids is where to find true rest. Where do you find rest?
If you are looking for more about this topic of minimalism and the gospel check out this incredible book called Seven: A Mutiny Against Excess. It is what started it all rolling for me.