It can be hard to find ways to show love
I wanted to write a super inspirational post about love this month. Since it is February, I wanted to take pause and contemplate what it means to show love. But the idea I keep coming back to is this; the mess in my own heart tangles me up from loving well. I keep trying to think about who I love really well and I keep coming back to me.
I am an urban dwelling, college educated, married woman, with three kids. And I believe the lie that coffee will bring me true peace, and that my kids are awesome only until 7pm.
If they need to be parented after bedtime I struggle to find patience. After-all this well deserved ME-TIME is what I have been looking forward to all day. I have been putting my hope into a moment of quiet and a glass of wine. But if in these moments I am interrupted or delayed, watch the rage of Lauren ooze out of every pore I have.
I am convinced that left unchallenged, our hearts will always turn inward to the self, and try to convince us that we are the most important person in the world.
It’s easy to love myself, my comfort, my time, and my coffee more than I do others. And when I do this, I lose my patience when my comfort is rocked and my coffee gets cold. And then I hurt those I actually want to love.
I am doubtful that this culturally held belief of loving yourself first really works. I believe love is bigger than any one individual. Love is out there waiting for us to look up from our individual lives, drop our egos and see a bigger narrative that we are welcomed to participate in
A narrative that says all humans intrinsically have value.
A story that says we have messed up, but are still connected to and welcome in the family.
A story where a Rescuer pursues us and wins at the end of the story.
A story that is shaping all the ugliness in my heart into something new and beautiful in spite of me.
This month, the month of love, I want to be mindful about who I am loving first. Is it me? Probably. But I want to shift my attention to showing love to others. Which means, expressing in some tangible way that you care for someone and think they are important. We will have a challenge to really get ourselves in the habit of doing this.
But we don’t love others because we have to or because we should. I believe we can love others because of how loved and accepted we are in the One who loves us so perfectly.
I’m excited to be more mindful about my own heart and train it to look up and out towards others.